Last week, we started our discussion on libido and low sex-drive; taking a look at WHY it left us, in the first place. Today’s post is more-exciting; we’re going to talk about action to take, in order to get it back! And you know, that requires a little homework! *insert winky face
**Low libido affects many people (especially women), and in different scenarios: maybe your sex life is put on the back-burner, when life gets hectic and stressful. Maybe sex suddenly goes from a previously-enjoyed activity, to something you no longer look forward to, or even enjoy. Maybe you no longer feel like you have the time for sex, because of schedules, or kids.
REGARDLESS, low libido is something MANY people struggle with, at some point in their life, and unfortunately, instead of openly talking about the WHY, we’re pushed to feel as if this topic is too-taboo to discuss.
Remember learning about the My Q-Life “Essentials”?! True health is about so much more than what we eat and how we exercise; and sex is a fundamental piece of ourselves. When our sexuality goes unnourished, it can further impact our stress levels and result in an essential-deficiency, a primary foods deficiency.
A lackluster sex drive doesn’t have to be a forever problem! In fact, there are many ways mens and women can get their “sexy back”, feeling desirable, and wanting to be desired, again.
Below, I’ll discuss six ways to improve your low libido:
I remember the first time I learned of what, exactly, masturbation was. It was on a three-way phone call, with two of my male best friends. We were around 12. lol
Unfortunately, in our society, masturbation is still treated as a taboo topic; something that you giggle about, with your friends, on the phone, when you’re a teenager.
However, it’s actually a vital aspect for re-energizing low libido because it increases the physical and emotional connection we have with ourselves. This can increase confidence, and allow us to feel more comfortable in our own body. When we take the time to learn what, exactly, our body needs to feel pleasure, it becomes easier to express our needs to a partner, and get those needs met.
Self-pleasure can also be a wonderful self-care practice, so don’t hesitate to experiment with different types and tools of self-pleasure, paying attention to what feels best for you.
SLEEP. IT’S IMPORTANT.
You know the ever-popular, “Not now. I’m tired.”?! Yeah, relatable for literally everyone. Most everyone isn’t getting enough sleep, these days, however, rest is essential for maintaining libido. A chronically stressed, tired body will not want to participate in sexy behaviors. Period.
Our bedrooms should be a sanctuary for sleep and sex, only. Leave the bright lights, and electronics, out! Here are a few tips on creating your own bedroom sanctuary:
Beautiful, comfortable bedding (maybe eco-friendly, and organic like Coyuchi and Buffy)
Removing TVs, computers and anything else that emits light, even phones
An excellent mattress (preferably one made with natural materials)
Lights with a dimmer option
Diffusing essential oils, like lavender, for sleep and ylang ylang and neroli for their aphrodisiac properties
Candles because they’re magical and sexy and can totally set the mood. Just be careful!
Aphrodisiac foods are rich in antioxidants and phytonutrients, which help decrease inflammation, improve vascular tone and balance hormones.
Almonds (and other tree nuts), like Brazil and pine nuts, contain zinc and selenium, which help to reduce inflammation and improve circulation, boosting sex drive and fertility. Plus, they help increase energy, which can help keep you going! *Winky face
Dark chocolate is rich in magnesium, B vitamins and antioxidants. This mineral is essential to the production of sex hormones. Antioxidants and B vitamins help keep the body free from inflammation, and improve circulation.
Figs contain magnesium, as well. They have an amino acid that increases the production of nitric oxide, which is important for expanding blood vessels and increasing blood flow to the genitals, to help with arousal.
Oysters have always been known for increasing libido because they are rich in zinc, which is necessary for testosterone-production. They also contain two, rare, amino acids: D-aspartic acid and N-methyl-D-aspartate, which increase sex hormone production.
Pomegranates improve sex drive and mood, in men and women, by raising testosterone. They’re loaded with antioxidants that improve blood circulation, which contributes to keeping sex organs healthy, as well as lubrication. *Bonus: pomegranates can impact sperm quality, too!
**These foods are especially-wonderful to consume during the Ovulation-Phase, of our cycle. I’ll be discussing Cycle-Syncing more, in future posts.
Stress has a way of affecting everything, doesn’t it? And it’s no different with libido, as stress kills libido physically, emotionally and psychologically. Some natural ways to mitigate the effects of stress include:
earthing (standing in the grass with bare feet)
Aside from working on stress management practices, it’s important to take steps to combat stress, in your body, by working with a health coach, or healthcare provider, to balance hormones, decrease inflammation and improve your gut health. Finding balance in the body is the best defense against life’s stressors. Eliminating physical stress will help your physical desire, as well.
Women, especially, will readily point out at least a few things they don’t like about their bodies, including their lady parts. These criticisms can really interfere with feeling sexy. There are quite a few ways women can treat their bodies like someone she loves:
Smooth body lotion on, sensually
Choose beautiful, flattering clothes you feel good in
Practice self-talk, in the mirror
Lay in bed and caress your body
Get a hand mirror (or look in the mirror) and become familiar with your lady parts
Practice Mindfulness During Foreplay
Does anyone remember the scene in the Sex & the City movie, when Miranda and Steve are having sex, and Miranda goes, “Let’s just get it over with!”?!
Too often, during sex (and intimacy), we’re thinking about unfinished work, which prevents the ability to really get into the mood, and 100% enjoy sex. Mindfulness, especially during foreplay, can really help women and men hone in on their pleasure, throughout the entire experience. Here are some ways to do this:
Instead of saying, “I’m not in the mood”, say, “Ask me again in 15 minutes”, and go into the bedroom. Then, take a few deep breaths, or do a quick meditation, and imagine how much fun you’ll have with your partner.
Self-awareness during foreplay and sex. Instead of thinking of all of the unfinished business, outside of the bedroom, think of all the unfinished business, inside. Be present to the fact that you’re there, in bed, kissing your partner.
If orgasm is an issue, don’t work toward achieving an orgasm. Focus on how great you felt the last time you had an amazing sexual experience, and challenge yourself to enjoy the feelings of pleasure and intimacy.
An important announcement: QUICKIES AREN’T GREAT, FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN TIME!
I know we’ve probably all experienced a situation where our partner (or maybe even ourselves) has suggested having a “quickie”. Yeah, yeah… maybe it SOUNDS hot, but let’s be honest: quickies, rarely (if ever) allow for women to get aroused. And this tends to become all about man, because they get off, and women are left feeling less than great. In any “quickie situation”, always make sure your partner’s needs are met, too!
A popular comment I’ve gotten, a lot, recently, has to do with low libido while being on (or recently going off) hormonal birth control.
Remember: Oral contraceptives are very well known for lowering levels of natural sex hormones. They’re creating SYNTHETIC hormones. NOT REAL hormones. Birth control pills are the leading cause of estrogen dominance, in women, since they contain a synthetic form of estrogen that keeps the body from producing its own.
Birth control also increases sex hormone binding globulin, which binds to testosterone, making it inactive and unavailable for use.
What’s even more interesting? SHBG levels may not drop down to normal, after birth control is stopped. They can remain high for six months, and even longer, which results in a significant effect on women’s libido.
Maybe you found yourself blushing while reading this post. Maybe you think I’m off my rocker for even posting it. But if I’m being 100% honest, low libido is something that affects more people than we know; it’s affected me, and I bet it’s affected you. Instead of holing up, worrying about what someone else will think if we bring it up, TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR BODY! Being sexual is okay!
So instead of telling yourself that your days of being “in the mood” are past you, try some of these best practices, and/or reach out! Sexuality is just another “Essential” that we owe our bodies and ourselves to value.